im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
