If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
