Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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