also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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