I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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