Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize