The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
