remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
