If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
oh god the rape fog is back!
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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