I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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