never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
