who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
