Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
one two three fourrrrnication!
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
