She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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