I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
