I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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