It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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