working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize