That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
