Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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