Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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