Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
