Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
