Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
