yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
