i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
