You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
