I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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