HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
