The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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