ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
