Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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