remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
