I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
