I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
