In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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