there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
