I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
