fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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