STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
he was CRYING into my vagina
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
