Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
