Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Randomize
