Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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