i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
