Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize