The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
