dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
