I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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