You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I still have a little drunk in my system
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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