who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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