I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
