yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
