He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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