Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
