he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Randomize
