am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
