My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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