I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
