I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
