He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
