trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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