Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
