what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
