So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize