Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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