guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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