no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
