My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
