I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
