I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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