Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Randomize
