your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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