i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
