You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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