Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
