good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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