dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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